What you see is not always what you get

I had a vision in my head of how the day would go. Perfect, I had thought. Just perfect. The kids would wake up to their new bunnies and a few new toys and play nicely with each other and with the new bunnies all morning until church. Then my whole family was coming to my church (which was a big deal- because they never usually come up here for church I was so excited to have them) I thought we could all sit together and pray together and sing together. After church head to my moms for lunch where we would have an egg hunt and eat and celebrate Jesus. Then naps and more time with bunnies at home and bed early to have some time to our adult selves before Monday. Perfectly perfect- and that is just how these pictures look- perfect. Doesn’t my family look so happy and well behaved – like we really have it all together?

What really happened….

Everyone woke up and saw the bunnies and were so so excited- they each also got one toy from Toy Story. Beau got dinosaur May got Jesse Keith got Buzz and Duke got Woody. Immediate fight- they all wanted to have them all or have what the other one had…Beau was literally screaming the entire day over this– then the bunnies came out and the dogs went NUTZO—barking SO SO SO loudly ALL MORNING LONG….put the dogs in my room and the kids were fighting- and I mean screaming and crying over who got to hold the bunny and Beau wanted so badly to hold them but was holding them to tight so I could not let him which led to another tantrum.

Off to church we go- all screaming because they want to take their new toys to church but I cant let them because all of the toys talk and make tons of noises so therefore more tantrums until I finally let them take them in the car- then quickly distract them all with doughnuts at church to take the toys from them. All eating a doughnut all is good. Go into church- ALL the boys are crying they want to go upstairs to the play room NOT sit in church with all my family who went out of there way to come here to sit with us. Please I said –“please just stay down here for the singing at least” NOPE – sobbing…loudly..so I give in- upstairs they go. My mom sat with them up there so she didn’t even get to get the full feel of our church and the Pastor’s awesome message. May was the good one who stayed down with us until she fell bonked her head in the middle of announcements and SCREAMED until I had to take her out.

Get to moms have a FREEZING cold egg hunt- rush to come in and cant find Beau…outside alone he is…all the eyes we have and we forget him outside. He was fine—but still. Oh and more screaming fights over the damn talking toys.

Get home- get bunnies out- fighting and dogs barking- put bunnies outside. Decide to take big boys out and play with bunnies- one bunny starts puking- I look over at Keith and gushes of blood coming from his lip-“what happened?” I ask..”I don’t know mom- I just started bleeding maybe I fell this morning ?” -um- ok? We run in the house to clean up- put Burt and Ernie in cages for the night.

Give everyone a bath have a snack and we look at each other and I say to kevin. – “you cant make this sh*t up.” He laughs. 7:30 pm we all fall asleep- so much for our put the kids bed to early and have a date night.

#truthbetold #whatyouseeonfbisnotwhatyouget

-Don’t compare your life to mine or anyone else’s- it is not perfect EVER here- and when it is I am waiting for the next thing to fall apart- however- I would not change it- never in a million years. While trying to perfect your life you are missing out on the good stuff going. Let some stuff go and just live! I tell myself that a lot- one day your house will be clean and perfect and quiet and you will be missing the craziness that was before you.

Things aren’t always as they seem

Don’t we look good in this picture? This was in 2010. It was not a good time in our lives but it looked like it was from the outside.

-Things arent always as they seem. I don’t care if you lie, steal, cheat, whatever. I know that there is a reason for your actions. I will never judge you. Something happened to you that you are acting like this and I am sorry. I know this so well because it was me- I had some dark days my friends. And the only way I could deal was to act snooty and not talk to anyone because I didn’t want any questions asked about me or my messed up issues. I might have looked ok on the outside but was literally dying inside. I looked as though I had it all- new house, great husband ,new cars vacations everything but I didn’t have it all—in fact I was empty inside. My marriage was falling apart—no matter how much I starved myself I hated the mirror, I envied and was jealous of those who had more than me and I just wanted to keep buying stuff to make me feel good and it never did. Yes, I can blame this on a lot of things—my dad left us when I was young and then we reconnected later in life than the Lord took him from me—but that’s not it I had a wonderful childhood with my amazing mom—we all have things that happened to us right? Nope that wasn’t why I was a mess…. I was a mess because I couldn’t give my husband kids. We tried for along time a couple years in fact but wasn’t happening. I acted as though I wanted to leave him because I wasn’t in love anymore, this is what I told him and what I told myself but really I wanted to leave because I couldn’t give him kids and I knew he wanted them. The reason I am saying this is because if you knew me or ran into me in those years I am sorry. I may have been unkind or unfriendly or not said anything at all- but I couldn’t. My anxiety took over my body my mind and my life! You see, I may have been acting this way on the outside but inside I wanted to die- literally. This is what I learned…never judge never ever judge because you have NO CLUE what one is going through on the inside—no clue at all. Again, I don’t care if you are totally rude to me or judge me in any way that you want too- I still love you and I am sorry that something makes you act or feel this way. You are not alone. Thank you who all who stood by me through those awful years- it wasn’t me….. I have finally found me again and I am so thankful! Don’t get me wrong though my life is not in any way perfect I still have my days- like yesterday when Duke hit me in the face with a toy and I started sobbing and locked myself in my room for a good minute—I mean it hurt but come on drama queen—But now

My life is complete. It is good even on the bad days it is good not only because God finally gave me children it is good because I kept fighting through the storm and never gave up it is good because I have learned compassion and sympathy for others it is good because I leaned no matter what I buy or have in material things I know I would be able to give it all away tomorrow and be happy. If you are struggling you are not alone….. always pray and never give up there is a reason for your struggle it will all fall into place. The storm will end and the sun WILL shine again.

How to survive MARRIAGE

Someone once told me when I was 7 months pregnant with the second set of twins “Did you know that the divorce rate for couples with multiples is 70%?”. Um….no. But thanks for letting me know– so basically my chance for divorce then is 140%? Ok…….

Listen, marriage is work– it is hard fricken work. And if you are thinking to yourself, What? No it’s not, I love being married!” then you are a newlywed and sit down and enjoy the ride right now because it gets worse— much much worse. Like, take your little problems now, my newlywed friend, and multiply them by 100 and that is where you are gonna be soon enough.

I am not going to say that I hate being married, I dont hate being married- Would I ever get married again? #Doubtful

Here is the thing, Kevin is my best friend and I am his. I love him and he loves me- but right now, right now in this moment of our lives- I feel, as I am sure he does, I feel like we are running a small business and our employees are 4 little kids and 2 dogs along with loads of dirty laundry, growing grass and a house that constantly smells like pee. The floors are discusting everything is dusty and I feel like I am being buried alive with toys……toys everywhere and piss- did I mention our house, van and myself smell like pee all the time.

I sometimes let this all get to me- I feel like I am never gonna get ahead with all of the chores and am I playing with my kids enough and am I making an effort to have a date night with the hubs and did I get my run in and my cooking and Oh, crap we are out of milk! It takes a toll trying to stay ahead of it all- I feel like I am constantly failing some days.–ok, but back to the marriage. So, how do you keep your marriage going with all this chaos…..my advice….don’t stress about it so much. If you have a good partner- one that loves you and knows you, then they will know that this is just a season in your lives and in your marriage. They know that before kids you were in love and there was a reason for the love you felt– it is still there but right now it is just kind of on the back burner- yes sometimes you make time for eachother- date nights, weekend getaways– its all good, good things to do– but if you dont get to do that it is ok. Some of us dont have anyone to help us with our kids which makes it even harder to get away together and spend time alone…but one day– one day so, so soon you will be able to do all of the things you used to do together alone. So, if right now you cant….right now its just too hard to line up a babysitter, find something to do on a tight budget, decide who is going to be the sober driver and then you finally get to where you are going and all you talk about is baby Tommy’s first tooth you found today or the fact that everyone pooped on the potty and wiped there own butts– its ok…its totally fine. We are there- and if you are not there now- you will be and if you are past this you know what I am saying… dont judge yourself— dont judge your marriage. We are all different and our marriages are all unique. That is what makes us- us and what makes our marriage work. It might seem like I have all my ducks in a row and my marriage and kids are all happy all the time– but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. I have just as many problems in this house as you do in yours– maybe more……This is the life though….dont be so hard on yourself or your partner one day soon you will have your groove back and its going to be better than it was before — i know it!



Lose Weight and No working out? Wha??

Ok, listen. For reals listen to this lady confessing right here .this lady is me….

I will keep this short as possible.

Before KIDS before- I worked out ALL THE TIME. I did. NEVER missed a workout. Sometimes I taught like 3-5 classes a day. How did I do that? AND ….AND I weighed in at 15 lbs more than I do now. YES !!! Me, I did. I worked out ALL THE TIME and I weighed more than I do now. And I have birthed 4 kids in the meantime.

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Then I had these kids. I had them and I quit my job. I was home all day long with them. ALL DAY. So, yes I was busy but I had ALL day to get a workout in. So, I did. FAITHFULLY every. Single. Day.

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I love working out- it mentally gets you going it physically is amazing and it does help with some weightloss IF AND ONLY IF you eat correctly. You can kill yourself working out and not lose a pound- like I used to. OR you can eat right and possibly not even workout much and LOSE.

Now, my kids are getting older. I knew once they were going to be starting school more I would start working a job more. The big boys are in half days but headed next fall into full days. I have slowly but surely started working a little more. I run 2 businesses and work for my church – I also take care of a mini farm and am writing a book (don’t get too excited I am on page 3 and I have started over like 20 times!) ALL while raising kids and trying to be healthy. I am tired just typing that.Something had to give. It just did. I had to make more room in my day. I could not be committed 6 days a week sometimes 7 to 30 minutes or more. I just cant. I get it now you guys.

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Do you see what I am saying ? I am saying I get you- I get you not being able to give me 6 days of 30 minutes a day! I GET YOU- I AM YOU! A momma with a JOB and KIDS and Laundry and cleaning and this and that and running errands and just doing it ALL and then you expect me to give in 6 days of 30 minutes a day to working out.

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It was not happening for me- you will notice I have not been posting as many sweaty selfies – even ask my groups. I just don’t have time to do the workouts like I used to. If I get a 20 minute walk in now I call it good. If I stretch at night- good. If I play with the kids I am good. I am still being active but I am not giving it ALL every single day. I was feeling as though I was slipping….and then this…this new program all about eating. NOTHING TO DO WITH WORKING OUT WHAT SO EVER!!

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I felt like it was literally made for ME!!!! Made for me to try and me to spread the WORD> made for me to learn and to help other mommas feeling the same as me. BUSY!! Overwhelmed! All of it….

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This has been amazing. It truly has made me rethink the way I eat. I am not going to lie and say portion control system didn’t work because you guys IT DOES- portion control ALONG with working out WORKS AMAZING!! It helped me lose over 85 pounds….but that was at a time I could do all the workouts…now I am just not able to do as many workouts – not at this moment in my life. I will still workout- you know I will …but not for weight loss or even maintenance…not for that at all…I will work out to feel good about myself and be strong WHEN I can find the time and really enjoy it.

5 pounds shed off of me last week- I am not even trying to lose weight. I mean I do kind of teeter back and forth with a couple pounds but this is a good comfy weight for me so when I go up and down I don’t fret. But, last week when I lost and I did not get all my workouts in – I was SHOCKED…SHOCKED to say the least.

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I feel you sister- I feel you and your busy life. Let me help you. Let me retrain your brain with eating- and you will feed your belly your families belly AND YOUR SOUL with goodness. You will NOT be sorry!

Ok – super long.

Once again. #sorrynotsorry

#somuchtoshare

Hugs, ad

Here is my why.. right here..I want them to learn how to eat healthy from ME…i dont want them to struggle with eating… i want them to learn how to cook good food and want too eat good… what is your why?

FOOD hangover- anyone?

🙋Ever have a FOOD hangover? Do you know what this is? I sure do!! My husband got me away last night- he took me on an overnight to the dells which was super fun!! It was! And it was “vacation” or as my kids say “holiday” (peppapig)

🤷‍♀️Anyway- I needed to go- I needed a break I needed to relax…actually I promised I would do no work for the whole day (besides some check ins to my groups – which I don’t think is work at all -lol) We had a great time- we did- hiking and eating and antiquing and a few pulls at the good ole ho chunk (I know I know – but its kind of fun). So- I ate….i had burger and fries and ice cream and PIZZA!!! 🍕🍔🍨

I have to say the less I eat this kind of stuff the less I like 🤢it- I am sorry and you may find me boring but it is true- it tasted so greasy and made me feel super sluggish. 🚶‍♀️I mean it was good – the ice cream was amazing- BLUE MOON- my fav. But, today- o today- I am SO SO SWOLLEN and SO bloated and just feel like S*iT. I do- I just feel like crap- I am not mentally upset though- not at all- like I would have been in the past…I would have said screw it and ate like crap now the rest of the weekend and beat myself up-= but not anymore- I embrace our day together- not thinking about calories or container or anything like that ….I just feel like I am “hungover”from food today..my hands are so incredibly swollen I mean even my feet!! Anyone else get this?? Yuck!!!🤦‍♀️

💑I had a great get away with him- I did – it is so awesome that I can pick up and do “holiday” anytime I want – I can work from wherever I want and make my own schedule. I loved every minute of it….but I have to say- I don’t really feel Iike I need a break from my life. I really don’t- I love being home and being with my kids and my animals- and the hubs too. I do. I know it is good for us to have breaks without the kids -together..i do. But, I feel extremely lucky to have a life that I don’t feel like I need a “break” from.

I feel grateful for my new way of thinking of food and alcohol at that. I am happy to report 2 Malibu and soda went down fine and I was able to stop at just that….and I STILL had fun!!

If anything I learned from this little spur of the moment get away it is this-

❤️1. Kevin and I STILL after all these years have SO much to talk about together and share so many interests which keeps our relationship authentic and happy. We still got it even when kids are not here.

😎2. I have a hard time relaxing – I have a hard time just letting go but when I do it feels GREAT!

💪3. Hiking Devils Lake was NOT as hard for me as it was years ago when we did it (better shape than ever!!)

🤔4. I don’t like gambling like I used to

👏5. I have more discipline than ever before around alcohol

💃6. FOOD is not my enemy – it is my fuel- I fueled it wrong yesterday and today I pay but I am not dwelling on it at all- not one bit…it feels SO GOOD to not have that battle anymore- that mental battle of “messing up” it was not a mess up at all it was planned and enjoyable meals with kevin and NO kiddos!

🤓7. I am SO HAPPY TO BE ABLE TO WORK FROM ANYWHERE!! I am up early in the “office lounge” and able to do some writing before we get up to hike again!

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Enjoy your Friday friends!! Thanks for reading- I would love to reset your way of thinking about food and workouts- please reach out for a change on thinking…WE are releasing a new serious- I am training now- it is learning about food and mentally changing the way we think— not based on workouts at all for success…. Workouts will be a bonus but not a requirement.

If you struggle with food and how you think and feel around it and about it and you have no time to workout – THIS WILL BE FOR YOU!!!

😍Xoxo- ad

Note to self :

**Not everyone is going to agree with you- those are not your people. Not everyone is going to find what you say interesting, those are not your people. Not everyone will be as passionate as you are about a certain subject, those are not your people. Not everyone will like you, those are not your people. Not everyone will accept you, those are not your people. You will be judged by others, those are not your people. You will be thrown under the bus by others, those are not your people.

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This is not to say you should not love and accept those who are “not your people”. They are just not your tribe- they are just not gonna walk a lot of this life with you. But we need those people too- we do- because without them this world would get very boring.

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Listen, not everyone is gonna like you- not at all…STOP- just STOP trying to prove yourself- you do not need to prove yourself to anyone- you do not need to make Anyone like , love or appreciate you. YOUR PEOPLE- they will…and when you find em- hang on to em for dear life. THOSE – those are the ones who are going to push you to be your best you. STOP worrying about what other people think, do or say about you- 90 percent of the time those people are thinking of you for like 10 seconds- judging you for 5 and then moving on. They don’t care enough about you to think of you any longer than that. OK_ so stop putting your success and your self worth in other people’s hands. NOT EVERYONE IS GOING TO BE “your people” you need to be ok with that! YOU be YOU—and keep on keeping on- and your “people” they will show up. They will. Trust me.

Xoxox- AD