I feel like at this very moment as I am writing this I literally want to quit. I want to quit my life right now. I want to throw in the towel and run away and go somewhere that no one knows my name or who I am. At this moment I feel like I am failing at everything. To start the day I got in the shower undressed only to realize that my slippers were still on. Then I proceeded to have everyone loaded buckled and snacks and drinks and diapers packed to go to the store for a few groceries-note: I had to buckle four car seats and pack four sippy cups and four snacks just to go to the store. As I am pulling out of garage I realize I cant find my purse- anywhere…..I search and search- kids are screaming and I am calling all places I have been to in the last few days only to realize that it was in the little compartment between the seats- note: I did not put it there- I run my errands on a strict 50 dollar budget only to get the Aldi ticket of $118. I then get home and cook lunch as fast as I can so I can get everyone fed and laid down so I can get to work on emails- promos- write ups- videos- only to have 2 of the 4 kids decide to NOT NAP……note: no work was done. Dinner was a shit show with, what I thought would be a “good”, in their world dinner for them tonight – mac and cheese and grilled ham n cheese with some beans (always want to add a veggie) only to have 90% of their food thrown on the floor. We go for an after dinner walk – Keith’s shoe broke half way – I had to carry him on my back and push a double stroller while yelling at Duke to stop walking in the middle of the road- note: I live on a road full of hillls. We get home I send everyone out to the deck so I can clean up dinner and find Keith peeing right in the middle of the deck “Keith! Don’t pee on the deck pee off the side!” Reply “but mom, Sprocket and Lady pee on the deck” note: Sprocket and Lady are our dogs- and yes they pee and poop on the deck more than I like to talk about. As I am now writing this – I have yelled…”don’t bring the flower pot in the house!” “Don’t hit your brother!” “Stop riding the dog!”and “everyone! Downstairs and play or your going to bed!” oh and lets not forget “what is the wet spot on the floor?” I feel like a total bitch. All I do is yell? That is how I feel today. I hands down feel I have no patience and don’t think God gave me the right job.Then just as I am about to have a good old fashioned cry I look up at the clock and its 6:11. This might mean nothing to you – but Kevin and I have this thing. When we see the number 11 we both know that we are being looked after by someone up above. We have just kind of always had that- I think I read it somewhere a long time ago that 11 is the sign of angels. I have a plaque in my hall that says 11:11—I feel like I always look up at that sign at just the right moments and it gets me through.
I am not perfect- I am never going to be. Some days I feel like I am just totally winning at it all—then some days I feel like I am failing at everything. I think the failures make us stronger for sure and the winning days keep us going. I have been so blessed to be with these kids every day and so so blessed to have them. I wouldn’t have it any other way- but somedays it is ok I guess to not feel like you have to be mother of the year- or be number one in your business- or eat perfect- or get a workout in….somedays I just need to eat a little shitty, lay on the couch, let my kids entertain themselves and just be.
You feel like this ever? Like you want to quit. Like, why am I doing all of this?? Could be with your job – or your marriage – your kids your diet….. if you ever feel this way you are not alone! We all feel like this sometimes—like we want to quit- but we don’t…..we take a break and then we get back up and keep on going. It’s not what knocks us down that determines our fate its getting back up, brushing yourself off and knowing that tomorrow is a new day. Note: I have been up and down the stairs 10 times checking on fake cries in the last 10 minutes of writing this. Workout done…check