Why me?

I am holding my youngest son. I am looking out the window to this beautiful snow fall and the rolling hills that my house sets on top. I am seeing the beauty in God’s creation as the birds eat out of the feeders we just filled. I am thinking to myself. How is this possible- how is this possible that I made it here. I look over in the mirror and see an oldish looking woman with wrinkles she didn’t even knew she had. Who is that? This woman I have become. With the wrinkles on my face starting to get a little deeper everyday. How did this, actually, when did this happen? When did I become old? And How the heck did I end up here?

My past…it wont define me. But it wasn’t great. It wasn’t horrible either. It was a lot of, shall I say, trial and error. I tried and did and explored many things. Some good SOME NOT- I remember my mom saying to me “quit that tanning you will regret it when you are old” I said “ I wont care what I look like when I am 30-“ 30 was old in my book. She would say “that smoking will kill you “ I would say “we are all going to die someday.” ( I really don’t think I cared if I died) She would say “adelei, so many nice guys out there when are you going to settle down?” I would say “ I am never getting married and you will just have to deal.” I was so fricken dumb. I was- and no one was going to tell me any different than what I thought was right. I didn’t listen to anyone or anything I just did whatever I wanted whenever the hell I wanted. So, how did I end up here?

As in “here” …I mean this…

A mom of four

A wife

A Christian

A business owner

An entrepreneur

A health coach

A hairdresser

A group fitness instructor

A lover of animals

A lover of the earth

A lover of all -even those who don’t really like me at all(-its fine I can be annoying- I get it)

A homeowner of this beautiful house in the country with a view that takes my breath away everyday

HOW DID I GET SO LUCKY….when my younger years were so messed up. I can honestly say I am asking this because I can not believe I lived this long with some of my poor choices.

But, what I can say is this- I will not let my past define me. I wont…..do I regret it? Maybe some of it- but mostly I can say NO – because without those trials and those choices….without those “dumb” moves and ridiculous ideas and that unhealthy lifestyle of gluttony …without that – I would NOT be who I am today. So , no I don’t regret it at all. My past has made me who I am…It has. IT wont define me but it made me. Without trials there would be no Victories. Without some pain would be no feeling of joy and content. Without the bad the good would not be known.

It is ok- it is ok if you had a shitty past – you can change- I did. You can change now…it is not and never will be too late to make the change and be the change the world needs. If I can dig myself out of the hole I was in then you surely can too. #faithisnotseeingitsbelieving #Godsgotyourback #sodoi

2 thoughts on “Why me?”

  1. I know how- God is how!!! God used all the ugly to make the beautiful you that you are now! It was all for reason! God is smiling down on you and saying, “I knew all along! Thanks for coming back to me and spreading my love to others the way you do!” Give Him the glory for all He’s done!

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