I was asked recently if I drink.. no not water – if I drink alcohol. Actually, I was asked twice this week that same question- actually- I probably get asked weekly by several people if I have a cocktail or two once in a while. The answer is basically …..No- I don’t drink.
It is usually assumed by most that I don’t drink for one of 2 reasons- I am the Healthyhairdresser and how could I possibly live up to the name if I put toxins in my body…or 2 because Jesus says not to (I mean is this even true?). Well folks, I wish it were that simple- I wish I could blame it on my new found healthy lifestyle or on the Good Lord- but the answer is NO- to both of those. That is not the reason I don’t drink. The reason I do not consume alcohol is because I have an addictive personality- I have told you this before. I am, in most cases either balls to the wall or none at all. That is or maybe now I can say was my personality.
Years ago – I remember being at several gatherings with a certain person who never ever drank a drop- i mean EVERY SINGLE PERSON around them was on their way to a great time with some good ole spirits behind it and he never ever even had a taste. I asked my husband why- why this guy always came to the party with no bottle in hand? He told me- he used to- he used to be the life of the party- drank so much – so much until he couldn’t handle it and would get out of control- not In good way….so one day he said “enough” and just stopped then and there- never touched it again. I thought in my head- “what a boring life..he never ever drinks?.” Little did I know where my life was headed—Fast forward 10 plus years and now that is…ME.
I used to drink so much that I would get sick- or pass out – or black out- I would totally forget. That was the problem….I knew going into it that that is what I wanted- I knew when I started to drink I wanted to let go of my problems -my fears to be gone…my worries to go away -my anxiety to diminish…and it did- boy oh boy it did. I would slam them- slam those drinks right off the bat so I felt great immediately…I felt in place I felt like I had courage and strength and confidence—-until the next day when I would be sick and anxious about what I said or did or who I talked to or this or that. Horrible- it was a horrible horrible feeling….but I continued it- every weekend even sometimes in to the weeks.
Now- a lot of things have been lifted from me over the years…I feel like I have the my confidence up and my strength I feel like my anxiety and worries are under control for the most part….but I am just not ready- I am not ready to test the waters of alcohol quite yet.
It was not an overnight thing—it has been over the last few years that I have just drank less and less and less until none at all. DON’T GET ME WRONG—there are MANY MANY days I wish I still drank and smoked with the best of em- stressful days that I know it could help take the edge off- but I just don’t trust myself yet. Soon though- Soon I am hoping I can enjoy a cocktail or two with you and just really enjoy it- enjoy the company the conversation and the actual drink.
Until then, cheers-
Happy weekend to you all!
NOTE: this pic was taken over 10 years ago- i was having a good time- clearly- i want to say I have had many good times in my life with booze…i just want to relearn how to have a good time without getting to crae crae.