Someone once told me when I was 7 months pregnant with the second set of twins “Did you know that the divorce rate for couples with multiples is 70%?”. Um….no. But thanks for letting me know– so basically my chance for divorce then is 140%? Ok…….
Listen, marriage is work– it is hard fricken work. And if you are thinking to yourself, What? No it’s not, I love being married!” then you are a newlywed and sit down and enjoy the ride right now because it gets worse— much much worse. Like, take your little problems now, my newlywed friend, and multiply them by 100 and that is where you are gonna be soon enough.
I am not going to say that I hate being married, I dont hate being married- Would I ever get married again? #Doubtful
Here is the thing, Kevin is my best friend and I am his. I love him and he loves me- but right now, right now in this moment of our lives- I feel, as I am sure he does, I feel like we are running a small business and our employees are 4 little kids and 2 dogs along with loads of dirty laundry, growing grass and a house that constantly smells like pee. The floors are discusting everything is dusty and I feel like I am being buried alive with toys……toys everywhere and piss- did I mention our house, van and myself smell like pee all the time.
I sometimes let this all get to me- I feel like I am never gonna get ahead with all of the chores and am I playing with my kids enough and am I making an effort to have a date night with the hubs and did I get my run in and my cooking and Oh, crap we are out of milk! It takes a toll trying to stay ahead of it all- I feel like I am constantly failing some days.–ok, but back to the marriage. So, how do you keep your marriage going with all this chaos…..my advice….don’t stress about it so much. If you have a good partner- one that loves you and knows you, then they will know that this is just a season in your lives and in your marriage. They know that before kids you were in love and there was a reason for the love you felt– it is still there but right now it is just kind of on the back burner- yes sometimes you make time for eachother- date nights, weekend getaways– its all good, good things to do– but if you dont get to do that it is ok. Some of us dont have anyone to help us with our kids which makes it even harder to get away together and spend time alone…but one day– one day so, so soon you will be able to do all of the things you used to do together alone. So, if right now you cant….right now its just too hard to line up a babysitter, find something to do on a tight budget, decide who is going to be the sober driver and then you finally get to where you are going and all you talk about is baby Tommy’s first tooth you found today or the fact that everyone pooped on the potty and wiped there own butts– its ok…its totally fine. We are there- and if you are not there now- you will be and if you are past this you know what I am saying… dont judge yourself— dont judge your marriage. We are all different and our marriages are all unique. That is what makes us- us and what makes our marriage work. It might seem like I have all my ducks in a row and my marriage and kids are all happy all the time– but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. I have just as many problems in this house as you do in yours– maybe more……This is the life though….dont be so hard on yourself or your partner one day soon you will have your groove back and its going to be better than it was before — i know it!