Things aren’t always as they seem

Don’t we look good in this picture? This was in 2010. It was not a good time in our lives but it looked like it was from the outside.

-Things arent always as they seem. I don’t care if you lie, steal, cheat, whatever. I know that there is a reason for your actions. I will never judge you. Something happened to you that you are acting like this and I am sorry. I know this so well because it was me- I had some dark days my friends. And the only way I could deal was to act snooty and not talk to anyone because I didn’t want any questions asked about me or my messed up issues. I might have looked ok on the outside but was literally dying inside. I looked as though I had it all- new house, great husband ,new cars vacations everything but I didn’t have it all—in fact I was empty inside. My marriage was falling apart—no matter how much I starved myself I hated the mirror, I envied and was jealous of those who had more than me and I just wanted to keep buying stuff to make me feel good and it never did. Yes, I can blame this on a lot of things—my dad left us when I was young and then we reconnected later in life than the Lord took him from me—but that’s not it I had a wonderful childhood with my amazing mom—we all have things that happened to us right? Nope that wasn’t why I was a mess…. I was a mess because I couldn’t give my husband kids. We tried for along time a couple years in fact but wasn’t happening. I acted as though I wanted to leave him because I wasn’t in love anymore, this is what I told him and what I told myself but really I wanted to leave because I couldn’t give him kids and I knew he wanted them. The reason I am saying this is because if you knew me or ran into me in those years I am sorry. I may have been unkind or unfriendly or not said anything at all- but I couldn’t. My anxiety took over my body my mind and my life! You see, I may have been acting this way on the outside but inside I wanted to die- literally. This is what I learned…never judge never ever judge because you have NO CLUE what one is going through on the inside—no clue at all. Again, I don’t care if you are totally rude to me or judge me in any way that you want too- I still love you and I am sorry that something makes you act or feel this way. You are not alone. Thank you who all who stood by me through those awful years- it wasn’t me….. I have finally found me again and I am so thankful! Don’t get me wrong though my life is not in any way perfect I still have my days- like yesterday when Duke hit me in the face with a toy and I started sobbing and locked myself in my room for a good minute—I mean it hurt but come on drama queen—But now

My life is complete. It is good even on the bad days it is good not only because God finally gave me children it is good because I kept fighting through the storm and never gave up it is good because I have learned compassion and sympathy for others it is good because I leaned no matter what I buy or have in material things I know I would be able to give it all away tomorrow and be happy. If you are struggling you are not alone….. always pray and never give up there is a reason for your struggle it will all fall into place. The storm will end and the sun WILL shine again.

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